I Was Never The Ugly Kid…

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I have never been the “ugly” girl…

I have never been the “fat” girl…

I have never been the “weakest link”…

I am thankful.

I was having a discussion the other day about certain behaviors and mindsets people have and carry throughout their entire lives because of the labels attached to them from childhood or so-called “bad” moments in their lives. It would take all day if I were specific about the conversation so I won’t bore you all with the details…

But…

I realize there are certain feelings, behaviors, and mindsets I cannot relate to because I was never the “ugly”, “fat”, or “weak” kid. I didn’t go through puberty hiding in a corner because I didn’t like the way I looked… in fact, I can name boyfriends I have had since KINDERGARTEN. (I’d DIE if my little girl told me she had a boyfriend though and she’s in 2nd grade).

Anyhow… I say that to say this…

I have never been perfect…

And I have battled moments of low self-esteem at some point or another in my life…

Hell, I can vividly describe times in my life when I wanted to kill myself…

But on the outside, I have always been beautiful.

And yes, I know my opinion is biased because I am talking about myself but again— I’ve ALWAYS had boyfriends, guys who liked me, and “suitors”….

I have ALWAYS had friends.

What’s crazy is the guy I ended up marrying is the ONE guy I actually pursued! Yes, I was swayed by the whole “hard to get”, quiet, mysterious guy routine…

…and I have the scars to prove it lol

But I think in all of my inside problems (and there were are many)… I was lucky overall.

In a society so fixated on outward appearance, no one noticed how screwed up I was on the inside (until they crossed me and the psycho came out—which many people have been introduced to throughout my 27 years). I was always accepted among my peers. I was always complimented on my smile— even when my attitude stunk to the high heavens. I was always considered pretty— even with my wild hair and tomboy antics.

As I raise my daughter and son, I can only hope they are as “lucky”. She is so beautiful…and he is so handsome… inside and out. They are sweet. They are intelligent. They are kind. They are talented. They aren’t all screwed up on the inside like me lol

I can’t relate directly to the pains of growing up on the outside looking in… I can’t relate to being “ugly” or “fat”. I can’t relate to not having a boy like me… or not having any friends.My childhood was pretty pleasant… as far as society is concerned. I had familial issues that caused EXTREME problems on the inside but my childhood, preteen, and teen years were spent happily amongst my peers.

I don’t have much hope in society’s ability to change so that each child experiences the inclusion I felt… but I sincerely hope my children share in that experience. I hope they are well liked. I hope they are personable and friendly. I hope they feel LOVED and SUPPORTED… and I am teaching them to treat everyone equally… based on the person they are on the INSIDE.

These days there are so many reports of bullying (which my daughter has already experienced to a degree by a girl who said my daughter apparently thought she was “prettier and more popular than her” smh)) , reports of harassment, and ultimately SUICIDE. Young people are killing themselves like it is just the normal thing to do. They feel alone… and judged… and criticized… and hated… and ugly.

I pray my children NEVER feel this way.

I pray they never feel so alone they resort to suicide… or mass homicide for that matter.

I don’t want them to be the “fat” kid…

Or the “ugly” kid…

Or the “weak” kid.

I just want them to be HAPPY kids.

Not the prettiest… the most popular… the best dressed… or the other superficial things society highlights as important…

Just HAPPY.

Is that farfetched?

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