Hurt People Hurt People…

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They say hurt people hurt people… and to break the cycle they suggest one hurt person forgive another, smile instead of grimace, hold hands and sing Kumbaya. I am all for the “We-are-the-world” charades but at some point hurt people stop hurting people and choose to take a different route…

All is forgiven…

but memories don’t evaporate no matter how many smiles are plastered on the face of said forgiver.

Iyanla Vanzant recently tweeted

“Forgive everything! Forgiveness does not erase the memory of an experience, it neutralizes its impact.”

And usually I agree with Ms. Vanzant, but the part of me that remembers each and every experience of hurt does not feel neutralized. In fact, I feel the impact as if jumping head first off a diving board into an empty pool. Nothing to break the fall. Cement. Only. The impact of a million wars raged within a home filled with hurt people who desperately want to love the right way but are so used to being hurt that they can only hurt those they truly love.

My grandparents.

My mother.

My father.

His mother.

His father.

My husband.

Myself.

It is not impossible to heal but sometimes healing cannot happen when hurt people attempt to love hurt people.

Sometimes it takes a hurt person to fall in love with a person who has no baggage, no hang ups, and no mental issues in order to fully heal and be “normal”. Hurt people cannot heal hurt people… we’re too consumed with our own bullshit to look deep within you and accept you completely for your own.

But we will try…

Dammit we will definitely try…

Reminds me of Rhianna’s new song “Stay”.

“Funny you’re the broken one but I’m the only one who needed saving”

Like, I know you’re broken and I desperately want to fix you but I need someone to save me too…

Imagine someone drowning… and you CAN swim so you go to help them. Sounds about right, right??  Until the person “saving” begins to be the person drowning… because the “drowner” is now in full panic mode… you know that panic in their heart and they start pushing you under as you’re trying to save their lives? Now what do we do?

We both DROWN.

Hurt people hurt people….

&& we try to break the cycle…

We try our damndest to do better…

But sometimes better is too far out of reach & hurt people can spend their life reaching for the impossible…

Hurt people have the most vivid imaginations… We imagine things will get better. We know exactly at what point it will get better. We visualize how better things can be… but, as it stands the words it’ll take to fix us have not been invented.

 

We need fixing…

& eventually we accept that we are the broken ones… we embrace our hurt. We try not to allow it to define us. We wish for better for our children. We work hard to make sure they don’t have to go through what we did at their age… and for the most part we are successful…

But the cycle continues…

Because hurt people consider themselves weak for giving up.

Even when the situation seems hopeless, hurt people are masters at keeping the hope alive. Masters of deception so much so we deceive ourselves into thinking we can move forward beyond our hurt…

But hurt people don’t move forward…

Hurt people HURT.

and even when we have the opportunity to heal, we still crave the hurt…

That’s all we know…

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