I Am Too Old To Be UnHappy

unhappy 

Over the years, I have become well acquainted with unhappiness. I’ve shaken hands with anger and aggression. I went to bed cuddled up next to depression and anxiety. I have become BFFs with all emotions negative and distracting. And now…  I just want to be HAPPY.

I don’t know if this is a realistic goal because I know there are ups and downs in life— its unrealistic to expect perfection in this world. But, that’s just it. I don’t WANT a perfect life. I don’t want a life devoid of all problems. If it never rains, you don’t appreciate the sunshine. I get it.

But I want to be genuinely happy. I want to live without having to look over my shoulder. I want those who I trust to appreciate that trust and not take advantage of it. I want people in my life who are supportive. I want to be able to tell the truth when people ask the age old question “How are you doing”. I’m tired of my response being a lie.

No, I’m not fine. No, I’m not ok. No, everything is not good. No, I didn’t sleep well.

I’ll be 30 soon. In 3 years… and time is flying. I anticipate growing older… being a better me. But I don’t want to be 30 and miserable. I don’t even want to go into my next birthday (February 9th—MAKE A NOTE OF IT!) without being happy. I’m too old for this.

I have goals and dreams to accomplish which are easier achieved with a clear mind and as little stress as possible. I can no longer tolerate anything that isn’t conducive to my overall well-being. I need people to start being honest with themselves so they can in turn be honest with ME.

No more lies.

No more fake friends.

No more drama.

No more fighting, fussing, cursing.

No more instability.

Nomore insecurity.

No more distrust.

Just happiness.

Is that too much to ask for????

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