There are times when I perform poetry (which has become more and more of a rare thing ), and I kind of feel bad in the end about the message. It gives off a pretty dark portrayal of what my life is and what my experiences are or have been.
Admittedly, my best works are dark poems of anger, resentment, betrayal, and abuse. And Im kinda ashamed of that.
Hell, I am happily married ((mostly)). I have 2 beautiful and intelligent children ((who arent unusually aggravating)). I am healthy ((not that I’ve had a recent check up or anything)). I am employed ((even though they’re currently cutting hours)). I have my own car ((even though its not brand new)). I have my own place ((even though the bills are piling up)).
What is dark about that?
Well… nothing and everything.
I am just not passionate about sunshine and rainbows – so, my poems about those things appear superficial and forced.
And they are.
To quote Anais Nin –“My ideas usually come not at my desk writing but in the midst of living”. My life has not been one of pure bliss— so my poetry book is not one of pure bliss. I know the classic gospel song says “My good days outweigh my bad” buuuut Im not so sure that is an accurate depiction of my life. I’m thinking of starting a calendar where I just write BAD or GOOD to see which wins. Hmmm… that would be interesting.
Am I complaining? Not much. But am I writing poetry? ABSOLUTELY.
Anyhow… to answer the question I’m often asked— NO, I am not miserable. At least not currently. And yes, I love my life— mainly because Im certain there is a purpose behind the madness. But, MOST IMPORTANTLY– NO I’m not going to start writing overtly chipper poetry to reflect that.
Poetry to me is about EXPRESSION. It isn’t like Facebook— where I can just write anything to make my life seem all perfect and willy nilly. Its the TRUTH. Maybe not always my truth but the TRUTH of those in my circle, my family, my friends, my environment.
God gave me this gift—and He also gave me the trials and tribulations that inspire me to utilize that gift.
I guess Im not so ashamed afterall.
Life is what you make it…
And poetry is what I make while “in the midst of living”.