I think there is some preconceived notion in marriage these days… that it must be perfect in order to survive. There is NO perfect union—even the relationship between sinner and Jesus is imperfect because we have the ability to backslide (and Lord knows we do).
I just read an AMAZING story about a couple that has been married for 73 YEARS! I believe they are the epitome of what it takes to make marriage work. Their advice to young couples and all couples today is simple— ““You have to forgive no matter what he/she has done. Even though you won’t forget you must forgive.” Read the story here! http://blackloveforum.com/black-love-rocks-meet-arthur-ruby-lawrence-73-years-of-marriage-the-legacy-of-a-lifetime/
These days, forgiveness is nonexistent. There is this universal belief that if someone wrongs you in ANY way they do not love you… and you shouldn’t be together. I think anyone who is married or has ever been married can attest that marriage REQUIRES forgiveness. It is not optional. Sure, it would be perfect if it were not necessary buuuuut it would also be perfect if we were all perfect beings && that is not the case.
I oftentimes find myself sharing the same sentiments with other married couples… and even couples who aren’t married. My marriage has not been perfect AT ALL. We recently made 9 years on August 27th and those 9 years have undoubtedly been the most trying of my life. However, every difficult experience I have encountered has been a time of GROWTH. I can look back on those difficult times and reflect on how IMPORTANT forgiveness, communication, honesty, openess, and POETRY has been.
If it were not for FORGIVENESS (on BOTH ends) we would not be where we are today as a couple or as individuals.
My marriage is currently at the point where I feel divorce is not an option. We are that couple that has tossed around the forbidden “D-word” time upon time. I have actually calculated how much it would cost to process our divorce… we have gone through not living together… he has slept on the couch… we have fought… we have argued… we have snapped, crackled, and POPPED… we have experienced a roller coaster of emotions and emotional disasters.
and there is ALWAYS but…
WE HAVE MADE IT THROUGH.
& that is what MARRIAGE is about.
That is what LOVE is about.
What this couple points out (and what I believe EVERY MARRIED COUPLE should learn) is that love is an ACTION word and not just a feeling. For a relationship to succeed you must choose to love the other person every single day… give or take a day here and there lol Trouble will come, disappointment will come…through it all–in spite of your anger, in spite of your disappointment, in spite of finances, in spite of moments of insanity— you have to be able to be STRONG and know that forgiveness is the ultimate act of STRENGTH.
These days we are so quick to walk away… we are so quick to throw in the towel. We don’t want to be a victim… we don’t want to be considered weak. We don’t want people on the outside laughing at us or judging us. We want to always appear likewe are in control… despite how false that perception is. We know the statistics and we know divorce is “acceptable” so we always have that as an option in the back of our minds.
Marriage is not supposed to be that way…
Marriage is supposed to be for life…
People will gossip— hell, my own family has gossiped about my relationship so I know outsiders have as well. But, guess what… life goes on. Let them talk. I talk about my own relationship! It gets rough lol You cannot have a successful relationship if you allow the negative commentary of others to affect your personal view of YOUR relationship. You cannot have a successful relationship if you waste your energy trying to please those who have no business inside of your business in the first place. And like this couple has taught us—you CANNOT have a successful MARRIAGE if you do not forgive!
Yes, there are instances where divorce is inevitable. Every marriage is different… and some are undoubtedly not worth the fight. Luckily, God provided my husband and me with a union we both have taken turns breaking down, rebuilding, and ultimately fighting FOR.
I cannot imagine being together for 73 years…
… but only because I think God will call us home before then.
But as long as we’re alive…
Its #teamGordon ♥♥♥