I dont think anyone understands what I go through in a 24 hour period. People think its hard just being a mother… but I am a wife, mother of 2, full-time employee, AND full-time student. Yes, there are others doing these things and making it work BUT darnit— it doesnt make my load easier to carry.
I thank God that I have been able to maintain a high GPA while acting like a circuis act juggling all of my responsibilites on a day to day basis. Right now I have a 3.0 GPA and I am proud of that feat— but I know it could be better.
I find myself so stressed some days… I wake up, take my daughter to dance camp, go to work, come home, cook dinner, go to volunteer at the optimist club my children participate in, come home, eat dinner, get the kids ready for bed, squeeze in some homework, take a shower, THEN get back in bed to start all over.
Imagine what will happen once school begins for the kiddos. *sigh*
Its just crazy to me. My husband downplays it because Im graduating in April ((if I stay on the right track)) but my classes are increasing in difficulty and workload so my impending graduation date is actually more of a strain than anyone believes.
Its not like I expect life to be easy. I mean, in a perfect world I would not have to work. I would be able to dedicate more time to my studies and be guaranteed a graduation date. BUT right now… its honestly a toss up.
I just dont have ENOUGH time.
I have relatives in college and they have people cooking their dinner and offering to help in whatever they need. Then there’s me— and that is NOWHERE near my reality. I dont get any help. Noone cooks for me and my children on days when Im swamped with work. Noone says — “well, I see ure in school and working and being a mother. Let me make dinner one night of the week for you to help alleviate the stress you must feel”. Nope. Noone says that.
For some reason, noone understands what MY life is like. They just dont get it— and they arent trying to get it. Going to school online is NOT easier than going in person. In person you have professors TEACHING you and GUIDING you. Online learning is much more difficult because you have to be self-sufficient. You have to be able to work without any assistance. You have to be up on your deadlines and due dates.
YOU are in complete control of your destiny…
…and the moment the stars disalign
…. the moment financial strain makes you think more about bankruptcy than books
…the moment the stress of your job spills into your homelife
…the moment the imperfections of marriage take your mind off of 10 page essays and Western and British literature
…the moment laundry piles up
…the moment family turns against you
…the moment you realize you are ALONE
—that is the EXACT moment you realize you are on your very own unscripted version of Mission Impossible, trying to do the impossible—
&& that pressure can either break you or turn u into a diamond.
Hell, I dont even have time to break.