As a child, I never understood why my grandmother placed my grandfather on the top of her totem pole. She always went above, beneath, and beyond to make sure he was happy and they were on a good note. Being the neglected child I was (by my parents), I misunderstood this to mean she didnt love me and my sisters as much as she should have because we were not her children. As I got older, I learned what marriage was and the type of relationship a man and woman should have. Although my grandmother didnt seem to have an issue with prioritizing her marriage this way (the correct way), it is easier said than done.
“When a husband and wife bring children into their marriage, they often find their marriage is the secondary relationship. And unless they find a way to make the marriage primary, they will experience distress and instability in the home.” from FamilyFirst.com.
I believe this is a common issue amongst married people. Undoubtedly, our marriages should be the PRIMARY relationship in our lives; however, once we have children, maintaining a healthy balance between the two is easier said than done. We all have heard the common saying, “Children first”. What we tend to learn the hard way is our most precious beings, our children, do not come first in our MARRIAGES.
“It’s not that a spouse matters more than children, but rather that a strong marriage relationship contributes more significantly to the stability of the home than any other factor—including the children.Your children will never suffer neglect because you make a strong commitment to your spouse. You don’t have to choose between your spouse and your children; when you make your marriage your primary priority, you are actually choosing both. Placing your spouse in the “front seat” of your heart is good for your children, too. In fact, a healthy marriage means safety and protection for children. ” from FamilyFirst.com
In the mind of a troubled and neglected child, this PRIORITY could be misconstrued as further neglect and abandonment. BUT, having a good marriage sets a good example for kids. If my kids see my husband being disrespectful, they feel they can do the same and vice versa. However, if they realize we are on the same page, we love each other, and we are important to one another, they will learn very important and valuable life lessons:
1) Marriage is important.
2) Mommies and Daddies love each other.
3) I can’t get away with anything because mommy and daddy are ONE. Lol
A parent should not feel guilty for making their marriage a priority and spouses should take care of their relationship by making sure they take time to LOVE one another— date nights, cuddle time, etc. Since I had a difficult childhood, I make sure my children feel loved TREMENDOUSLY and in doing so, I realize I place my husband on the back burner. I tend to overcompensate because I don’t want my children feeling an iota of the way I felt at their age. I want them to know mommy loves them more than anyone in this world…
But at the same time, I want to instill what MARRIAGE is, what LOVE is, and how they fit into the great big puzzle of life. My grandmother was a great example of a good wife… and what marriage should be. I just didnt know it until I got older which is why I am proactive in explaining it to my children.
Just as your children ride in the back seat of your automobile… and you and your spouse always “ride shotgun”, that is the position they should take in your heart. I’ll never make my husband sit in the backseat and put my daughter or son in the front… we ride side by side in the FRONT… and Hansel & Gretel hop in the back. It’s just the natural order of things & it works.
#GodSaysSo and who can argue with God? #winning ♥