Yesterday I didnt eat anything… my cousin mentioned it’s probably because Im stressed. She asked if I have been thinking a lot about this situation and of course I lied. I denied it to the upmost… questioned why I would even be thinking about it at all… stated confidently and matter of factly that this ish doesnt even cross my mind. And I didnt blink once.
Im beginning to get quite accustomed to this whole facade… this game of “To Tell The Truth” where I simply tell lies and evade questions I dont want to answer. Truth is, I think about it. More often than not. I actually have to force myself to think differently when I catch my mind wandering about what he’s doing or what he’s thinking or who he’s seeing. It is soooo consuming but Ive been doing a pretty good job keeping it all under wraps. I mean, thankfully my Face Fam has showed up and Ive been able to divert all of my nervous energy into talking to them. Hanging with them these past few days has really been a HUUUUGE help… Im able to forget about all of my problems and focus on being this positive person they know and love. I can speak positivity into their lives and help them focus on positive things while in my mind IM nothing but Negative Nancy… smh Its crazy but atleast I know my talks with them and the time we’re spending together is beneficial for them. At least I know I have some sort of positive effect on their lives… they value my opinion. ♥
Idk… I dont wanna really reveal too much… but just know that I lied… and Im lying… and I’ll most likely keep this facade up until my lies become truth… until I am actually not thinking about him or us or tomorrows without him… until I am simply and genuinely happy. Please forgive me for my lies… ♥